


sins almost committed

by goldtracing



Series: another type of future [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anakin Skywalker Doesn't Turn to the Dark Side, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Mentioned Leia Organa, Mentioned Padmé Amidala, Mentioned Sheev Palpatine | Darth Sidious, Padmé Amidala Lives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:28:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23397778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldtracing/pseuds/goldtracing
Summary: By a margin. He knew how close he had been to falling from grace; he can still feel it in the Force. Anakin can’t help but ponder on the “what-ifs” and the past. However, there was still the present.
Relationships: Anakin Skywalker & Luke Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker
Series: another type of future [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1683028
Comments: 5
Kudos: 50





	sins almost committed

_ “You realize that our mistrust of the future makes it hard to give up the past.”  _  
_ [―  Chuck Palahniuk,  Survivor ] _

R2 sorrowfully whistled as he weaved through the maze of X-wings with his master. The latter was too absorbed with marvelling the star-fighters to notice the tooting of the former, so the little droid bumped into the leg of the human to gain his attention. Anakin reverted his focus to his long-time friend and chuckled softly as he patted the dome-shaped head.

“I know, I know. Don’t worry, Obi-Wan knows where I tend to be, so I doubt he’ll kick up a fuss”, he replied, voice slightly hoarse due to age.

The years did pass after all, and there were already crow-feet besides striking blue eyes and dull grey streaking his shoulder long hair and full beard. His eyes were also no longer the same as they had once been – once brimming with endless aspiration they were know slightly dulled by weariness that came from decades of fighting. Still as sharp as a bird of pretty, the world had nonetheless lost its vibrance to him.

The astromech warbled accusingly and bumped into him to emphasis his point to which Skywalker lightly reprimanded him: “The meeting is still long off so there’s no need to stress me. Besides, you shouldn’t take what Padme said about keeping an eye on me so seriously. The kids need more supervision mind you.”

Rather sullenly the R2 unit whistled something about organics being fragile and needing much more maintenance when something broke. Or when their programming was tampered with.

The Jedi Knight snorted at this, such comments where coming ever more often from his mechanical companion, especially as of late. Even worse, the droid wasn’t the only one insisting on mothering over him. When he wasn’t regarded with reverence then he was regarded with caution and pity – all because of happening that were years back.

Memories tended to be wicked when they were of better times long gone. The Clone War had been bloody and everything but beautiful yet somehow it had been a more favourable time than a life on the run (or maybe it was just his age showing. As a maverick of a Padawan, he had sworn to himself that he would never end up like those sentimental old Masters that would grumble out the good old times – the nostalgia had made him nauseas. Turned out that he never had been good at keeping vows.)

Back then things had been so clear cut even if half of his perception had been fogged by illusions and empty promises. He had had still the vigour of youth and the ardour to win a war. Now he was sapped, jaded even.

The Jedi were a pale echo of what they once were – (Peacekeepers turned war generals and then felons) – and the Republic was momentarily just a ghost, existed in form of a rebellion that wanted to restore it.

More than once Anakin wanted to ask the Force for another chance and prevent things from transpiring as they had. The “what if’s” remained, lingered like a nasty aftertaste, no matter how hard be tried. It came to haunt him at night, what he could have been, and it rattled him to the bone.

In the dark hours they would disrupt his dreams and through them the Force would whisper the answer to the question he couldn’t discard: What could have been. In those visions he’d smell blood and smoke and ash and feel fire tearing holes into his skin. Then black would shroud him, the violent red becoming clinically sterile and a respirator would grate at raw nerves.

A figure as black as a starless night with a face – a mask – grotesque as a god of death of some long-lost civilization, the cyborg a presence that emitted boundless pain and deep-seated hatred. Despite that they couldn’t be more different, the Jedi wasn’t alien to the figure, it was more like that he was staring at a dark corner of his mind and had found something terrifying that only he understood.

When a disembodied voice would whisper “Darth Vader” like a sinister prayer the dreadful realisation would dawn that the darkness that inhabited him had a name. Every time it rose up from the depth in a rush of his most flawed facets then he would tell himself that he was stronger than his alter ego, that he was his own master free to make his own decisions. He had chosen his friends and family, Vader had chosen the Dark Side personified.

Yet it still taunted him with how tangible that alternate reality was in the Force. As if his theoretical father was reprimanding him for yearning for more and should instead be happy with what he had. Skywalker knew he ought to be.

Just as he was about to dish up a witty come-back to the ongoing stream of oppressing concern that came from the droid another voice intersected, measured and with each word shaped by a Coruscanti accent that defined the Negotiator: “Well there you are my old Padawan. You must admit that R2 has a point.”

Said droid tooted a greeting as Obi-Wan stepped out from behind one of the larger spaceship. The mechanic doing repairs on it gave the older Jedi an amazed look and whispered to his friend, pointing at the two Force users.

Anakin sighed, both at the smug jab in Binary that he got from his small friend and the gossiping going on. The Hero with No Fear, preferred to wander around the base relatively unnoticed nowadays, curtsey of his ability to conceal himself with the aid of the Force, in order to have some peace.

A gentle smile stretched the age lines around his mouth and the bright light of the hangar bay highlighted the silver streaking his auburn hair. His former master had retained most of his serenity, only the occasional flash of world weariness indicated that the past had also affected him. Generally, the younger peacekeeper envied his elder for his composure.

Anakin resisted the urge to roll his eyes and released his annoyance into the Force. Going on to defend himself he justified: “It isn’t as if I go looking for trouble…”

“Trouble just finds you. Some things never change”, Kenobi carried on, crushing any plausible excuse that the other may have brought forth to dust. True as the statement was – Anakin was well aware he was a walking disaster – he couldn’t help but feel frustrated that he was still treated his caution, and that when he came forth with counter-arguments that they were often blown out of water. Why should he be treated with caution, as if his mental state had the fragility akin to a Nubian flower. He wasn’t volatile, at least not anymore; long ago he had learned that anger wasn’t a sensible solution.

Despite what everything Anakin told and convinced himself of, their concern was well-founded; he had been so close to embracing the Dark-Side that fateful night.

From across the galaxy Obi-Wan had felt how Anakin had been about to throw himself into that yawning abyss, his former charge standing on the brink of corruption. Their bond had been decaying, the light flickering and dying as the person on the other side entered a stage of final transformation. The Force had reeked of treachery.

Never before had he been so relieved that Anakin hadn’t bent to Palpatine’s desires.

Deciding that letting this escalate into a full-fledged argument – like a few of those they had been having lately, would be useless – Anakin smirked and slung an arm around the shoulder of the shorter man, then diverting the conversation into a different direction: “Then lets leave it by that and come straight to the point: What reason do you have to seek me out?”

Obi-Wan wasn’t considered a master diplomat for nothing, and despite Anakin’s practical leanings, some of his master’s ways had rubbed off on him.

The former glanced at him fondly for a brief moment. There were times when he feared that his friend would lapse and then there were moments this. Almost as if nothing had changed and Anakin was still his stubborn apprentice with his stubbornness and vices and so firmly anchored on the light-side even though he harboured streaks of darkness. When there was yet to be excessive bloodshed and conflict and betrayal. Fate had always been particularly rough with Anakin.

“As I said before, you should listen to R2 – your presence is required in the conference room”, he explained to his reckless friend, for which he reaped a doubtful look.

The one being chided complained: “Oh come on. I still have time.”

Giving Kenobi a hopeful look, he prayed that he wouldn’t be pestered any further, but his companion just crossed his arms over his chest and shook his head in amusement.

“Or so you think.”

Nonetheless, to give the Jedi Master the benefit of doubt he dramatically took out his chrono and spared it a glance. The droid didn’t have the decency to withhold a self-satisfied whistle at Anakin’s shocked expression. Widened eyes stared at the numbers in disbelief.

“Time flies”, Skywalker justified himself sheepishly.

Indeed, the hours seemed to slip through his finger like sand; all he had wanted to do was inspect the spaceships, maybe by chance come across a new shipment and enjoy the canopy of noise produced by droids doing check-ups and the chatter of Basic and alien tongues for dozens of star systems. Lately he hardly had precious time to unwind.

Obi-Wan inclined his head in agreement and then turned around to go, sending Anakin a nudge through their bond to tug along. Instead the knight bristled and protested: “What significance do I have in the conference room anyway? If it’s another briefing for another undercover mission to Pandora then I’m going to fall asleep.”

Slowly turning around gave him a cutting look, day that hasn’t changed since the day he had first been taken into the Jedi Order. Ever so patient, gracious Obi-Wan was a diplomat with a razor sharp edge to him.

Tone unchanged but with a glint in his eyes Kenobi probed: “Maybe because your expertise is needed. We were both Generals and still are.”

Clicking his tongue with a bitter sneer on his lips, Anakin shook his head slowly.

“And all they ever do is pick my plans apart, disregard my arguments and declare my suggestions as invalid. My presence isn’t even useful in the way that I was promised to be. According to some people, I can only serve as a moral booster to keep this whole thing running!”, he seethed.

The argument roused the attention of a few other people in the bay, and a small collection of not-so-subtle onlooker formed. Exactly what he needed! People bought into the petty idea that he, the Chosen One, was the shining star of the Rebellion.

Anakin approached Obi-Wan, anger budding like a toxic plant as the later calmly countered: “You know that that isn’t true, while there is partial fact to what you said you are still overexaggerating. Listen, if this is about the last venture to the Core, were a lot wouldn’t even listen to you, then believe me, there is no use holding a grudge against them because the mission only succeeded by a margin – they learned from the errors of their ways. Don’t let your anger take control of you!”

The prodigy paused directly before he could gasp his master by the shoulder and pull him into a more secluded area. His friend was right. Swiftly he sourced the root of his anger and eradicated it and as the emotion dissolved into the Force so did the tendrils of seductive darkness, leaving only a sickly-sweet aftertaste.

Taking the hem of his master’s sleeve in his hand, he urgently led Kenobi out into the corridor and despaired: “I’m sick and tired of being stuck here, being constantly watched and bombarded with dull work while the lot of you get to got out there to bring matters forward.”

Well-intended if still a bit wooden, Obi-Wan embraced him. He was certainly getting better at it. Being raised in the Jedi Order, the elder had been completely unfamiliar with showing genuine, heartfelt affection in a physical manner. Then his whole world had been turned upside down and he found himself included in a patchwork family.

“Just a bit longer. Until we can find a way to divert his attention from you”, he soothed, giving his companion a tight squeeze before letting him go. Blue eyes were soft, brimming with consideration and then he gave the taller man a firm clap on the shoulder.

Anakin gave him a weak smile. Unfortunately, the base had become a cage for him. It was worse than the time when he had been grounded in youth on Coruscant, locked away in the Jedi Temple. It was more frustrating than being stuck planet-side on a desolate piece of rock during the Clone War.

Sure, it was for his safety since it was a high risk every time they sent him out on a mission. Courtesy of the Sith Master that still vied from him as an apprentice. Even after the stunt Anakin had pulled back at the Senate building nearly two decades ago Sidious still harboured a disgusting obsession for the person, he had spent years grooming. The ominous black hole in the Force would greedily stretch out across the galaxy, relentlessly seeking him like he was a priceless treasure. There had been many close calls – thankfully Anakin was as persistent at keeping his freedom as Palpatine was at taking it away.

In a way the Dark-side user was even at a disadvantage in this game of cat and mouse since he still had to keep his identity a secret. While Sidious cut Anakin a picture-perfect reputation in order to seamlessly depict him as a symbol of the Empire, he couldn’t simply tarnish the image of the Hero of the Republic without being severely question. So, he had spread the story that Jedi Anakin Skywalker had died the death of a martyr protecting to Emperor from the traitorous Jedi.

It was just further evidence that the Empire detested the fact that the hero of the republic now fought to take it down. Anakin was on the side of democracy and sought to purge the galaxy of the evil that had infested it.

Partially to his chagrin and partially to his amusement, the Rebellion played on the fears of the enemy and spread rumours that Skywalker and Kenobi were fighting against the Empire and seeking to restore the Republic they loved so much.

Over time the word passed from mouth to mouth and ear to ear in hushed whispers. It spread like an infection, the Empire unaware how deep it ran. The thought was there and hence it was to late. Ideas are contagious things after all and hope its most persistent symptom.

However, Anakin was sick of being used for propaganda purposes and tired of fighting other people’s wars. What he wanted was to indulge in his own desires for a change, spend time with the people he held dear without fear of losing them, some place where there was no war, no Sith Lords and no conniving Senators. Running and hiding was starting to wreck his sanity.

On the other hand he faithfully pressed on, it was all that had ever done in his life – not to mention that he also endured for his family.

Subconsciously he reached out across star systems to that one presence filled with reassuring tranquillity, like a calm lake in Varykino; Padme. She was fine, tired but safe and Leia was with her. Like a flame the presence of the latter flared up as he brushed over hers and Anakin couldn’t help but smile.

Family life had had a rocky beginning, with everything that occurred from big events down to personal matters. It still was, in a way and despite not being a picture-perfect family unit, he loved them with a passion. In the end, it had been his attachment to his wife and unborn children as well as his friends that prevented him from giving in to his anger.

His Leia, a dragon, fire and deep-seated passion that could have only come from her father. His Luke, like his mother so compassionate and with a spin of durasteel.

Then, like storm clouds that blotched out the sun, he sensed _him._ Slick oil and decay and wretched power-hunger forming a black-hole in the Force. Quickly he retracted as if he had been burned, in order to escape the attention of the Emperor before it could be directed at him. He was confident that the shadow hadn’t noticed him, at least he hoped so.

Obi-Wan, noticing the alarm that spiked up in his charge and raised his eye-brows in an unspoken question towards Anakin who mouthed: “I’ll tell you later.” He really wasn’t in the mood to go down that path now.

Unluckily the master wasn’t satisfied with the reply and wanted to egg on; he had made the mistake before of not paying attention to his friends dilemmas, but before he could formulate his argument a hand on his shoulder stopped him.

It was Luke.

“Mon has been asking what’s keeping the two of you so long.”

The Jedi Master glanced at the younger Skywalker with surprise, since he hadn’t anticipated him appearing. A good sign, since it indicated that he was progressing with his shielding techniques. At the sight of his son Anakin felt his heart grow warm with fondness.

In contrast to Leia he had a much more balanced temper, having his mother’s gentle nature rimmed with iron determination. He was simply much more focused than the other two Force-wielding Skywalkers. In the light, through and through.

Unlike his father, who still touched the Dark occasionally. How could one fight something without understanding it, after all. He knew that if his dirty little secret came to light then so many would deem him a hopeless case, a testimony that their fears were on the verge of coming true, again. It wasn’t going to plunge face-first into the darkness, he had already learned his lessons long ago.

“Your uncle wouldn’t let me have my peace.”

“Your father is being a thick-headed gundark again.”

They both blurred out simultaneously and then casted each other narrow eyed looks.

“Hey, that is unfair”, Anakin whined, to which Obi-Wan only raised his eye-brows in a deadpan expression. “It’s fact. And besides, being as jumpy as you are, I doubt what you were doing can be considered peace. Might I remind you that you’re still to inpatient to meditate for longer periods of time.”

They were disrupted by Luke trying to muffle his laughter in his sleeve. Joy flashed in his eyes, vivid and alive.

Too lively, and too energic in Yoda’s opinion. Luke was his father’s son in the end and had his father’s dreams of adventure. The boy had been very enthusiastic about being included in the rebellion.

Such fire had dimmed in Anakin. While he still held the thirst for new worlds and compassion to help people, it had evolved into a different sort. His legend had become a heavy burden to carry. Could they really blame with from trying to escape the inquisitive stares and whispers that would follow him? Heroes never die, they live on for eternity. At least his children were not weighed down by their parents legacy, not yet.

Kenobi turned to Luke for aid, explaining: “Say young one, would you mind helping this old man convince his friend that joining the humble meeting lies in his interest?”

There was the Negotiator at work, utilizing one of his weak points. If there was any body in the galaxy that could win him over, then it was Luke. Family ties are the strongest.

The boy gave him a cheeky grin and said: “Come on father. The mission this time is too Naboo and if you aren’t there soon they’ll change their minds about including you in the outing.”

**Author's Note:**

> Star Wars has always been one of my passions since it is such an large universe (all puns intended) to play around with along with so many possiblities for every character. This is just me tweeking Canon and exploring the thought of how things would have turned out if Anakin had joined the Rebellion. I might as well continue with this idea in form of a series.
> 
> Fire away with feedback and questions in the comment section!


End file.
